My "Job"

Back in May, I took a contract position with All Blessings International to do home studies for local families wanting to adopt.  It was a HUGE answer to prayer and orchestrated totally by God.  If you have known me long enough, you know that adoption is a big deal to me.  Adoption has had a large chunk of my heart for 12 years and I have prayed and prayed to one day be able to work in the adoption field, and here I am.

I have been surrounded by adoption for a long time.  My near and dear friends who have adopted have heard me time and time again say to them, "Adoption is HARD!"  In my heart of hearts, I don't believe God's perfect plan was for adoption to even have a place in this world.  But, in case you've lived in a hole your entire life, we live in a fallen world.  One full of sin, bad decisions, pain, and heartache.  Adoption is both beautiful and ugly all in the same boat.  It requires hurt and restoration.

But, boy oh boy do I see God all over adoption.

I sincerely believe that God has a soft spot for the orphaned.  Those innocent babes are held in His arms and it is a beautiful thing.  He calls families to open up their homes and hearts and places these precious babes in forever families.  I have been a part of home comings, first meetings, good byes, and referrals.  The tears of joy and pain abound.

In the adoption world there are the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.  Recently, I've seen a low. ABI partnered with an orphanage in a very remote location in DRC two months ago. In the last three weeks there has been a dysentery outbreak which resulted in 33 of the 52 orphans losing their life. Two of these babes were twins who were recently matched with a sweet friend. This hit close to home and my heart was broken.

BUT GOD (famous Jenny words)...

He knew this pain was coming and held these babes when their moms and dads couldn't. I believe these 33 babes are no longer suffering and now all who know of their story; the moms and dads, ABI, friends of the families, and anyone who has read the information and blogs about this story, get to be a part of stewarding their story well.  We get to be a part of the highest of highs. 

ABI is currently raising funds to help with immediate and long term relief for this orphanage and the community surrounding it. Right now, they are trying to raise $15,000 by Friday to provide materials for a team leaving this weekend. Will you please consider making a donation?  Even $5 can make a huge difference. You can donate here and read more about this situation here. 

Looking Back

It hit me today while watching Henry walk around the house (he is everywhere now that he has this walking business down) that this little guy has been with us for a year. We've thrown the big party, we did the pictures, but for some reason it really sunk in today. 

I am sure every year will be a learning experience and with it will bring all kinds of new seasons, but this year is one for the record books.  I love Henry oh so much. His personality is the sweetest and by golly if he doesn't have the cutest fluff in the world.  There were times this past year though that I thought I wasn't going to cut it in this mom business. 

The first eight weeks for me were brutal. BRUTAL. I was a crazed clock watcher. The night time brought on the worst anxiety.  I would intentionally leave for work early just so I could sit in my car for 20 minutes in a parking lot as an escape (only then to be pelted with feelings of guilt for leaving my babe).  The mom guilt and insecurities of comparison were always there. Life the first few months was just hard. 

I am far from an expert. I have learned no mom is an expert, just more seasoned and experienced.  I am slowly getting more comfortable in this new mom skin.  

The importance of community takes on a whole new meaning when you have a child.  We rely on our parents more. I am so very grateful to have friends with kids close in age that can play together while we attempt to have a meaningful conversation.  When a friend can get Henry to giggle with delight I melt because I know that friend is god fearing and a great example. It takes a village and I am embracing that fact. I used to hide away and freak out if Henry was the slightest bit fussy, now I am totally ok with calling someone up to get out or letting Grandma or Grandpa spoil him rotten.  The pressure of always being perfect doesn't weigh as heavy. 

I have been studying Gideon and the focus over the past week has been being faithful through the monotony. That God shows up in our daily lives, he doesn't always come in a burning bush or in an audible tone. What I have been called to do, is what I am doing right now. My work looks different during this season. Instead of getting dressed to the (somewhat) best every day, I am lucky to blow dry my hair. Crockpot dinners are the best creation ever rather than a meal with 50 ingredients that can wow a crowd.  Having a few dust bunnies adds character to a home (ha).  My name isn't in the papers, I'm not leading a revival, but I am serving my purpose for right now.  The monotony is staggering at times, but it makes me listen harder. It makes me more eager to step out.  It builds discipline and contentment.  

I have always struggled with putting others first. Yes, I can be genuine and care for others' needs. But, when it came to sacrificing my little bubble of comfort, it was hard. This year has shattered that. A friend of mine posts periodically on twitter or on her blog, "I must become less so that He can become more."  Self sacrifice and submission are the front runners, in my opinion, to a healthy home.  It has been a humbling and great lesson to learn. 

Thanks for letting me have a soap box today while I enjoy my 20 minutes of alone time in my car (hey, I still like my occasional Sonic drink to myself at times).  This first year has been good. So good. Ready to see what else I can learn from this wise little one. 

Dragging my Feet...

A while back I posted a whole diddy about being content, embracing living in our small house, starting to do more projects, yada yada yada.

That didn't happen.

The house is still on the market (for sale by owner now).  We are getting several calls, but doors aren't opening right now.  To say I'm "okay" with this would be a lie.  BUT, I am trying to put on my optimistic glasses and stay focused on the positives.  Lower mortgage, less house to clean, rubbing elbows with the loved ones, you know the sappy things people say when they live in small houses (and for the majority are true but at times you just want to scream GET UP OUT OF MY SPACE!!).

Truth be told, we are fine.  We know there is a reason we aren't moving, unbeknownst to us.  Someday we will look back and that reason will be so clear and we will be thankful.  But, one must not live in the future or one will miss out on the present.  So...  I do what I do best, I make a list.

I had a come to Jesus with the husband last night and went over the list with him.  I have categorized things by monthly goals and waved my hooray pennant in attempts to fire him up to get on board of the project "keep my wife from going insane by renovating and changing a few things in the house."  Up first is the guest room.

Our house has two, technically three, rooms.  Our tiny room is devoted to Henry's space.  This used to be our office/library (because we have more books than we know what to do with).  So, when Henry was cooking in the oven, we decided to keep the guest room as is, move the desk to the living room, store several books, and transform the tiny space to a lovely nursery.  Because we would totally be out of here by his first birthday.  Note to self, don't put a timeline on life events.

Now that Henry is getting a little older and his toys are TAKING OVER MY LIVING ROOM, plan C is going into action.  Our guest room will be changed into an office/play room by the end of September, so help me.  Because we have a tiny house, the bed has camouflaged nicely as a storage unit.  Under the bed are several bins of shoes, wrapping paper, and who knows what else.  Project purge is underway currently.  I am finding new homes for the shoes (and getting rid of several pairs, sigh), selling my large stash of gift bags in a garage sale, and clearing out closet and drawer space.

The donate and sale boxes runneth over.  

Once I have cleared out under the bed, the bed itself and my beloved bedding will be posted for sale.  Then, the magic happens.  A blank slate to do with as I wish.  Painting will happen (cough, cough, husband doesn't know this yet), a new furniture piece will be bought, and I will have my office space back.  Not to mention the toys will have a home. 

So, here's to the first thing on the list.  Now I finally have something to write about!!! 

If you know of anyone looking for a magnificent queen bed, adorable gray bedding, and striped sheet set, you just let me know. 

Road Trippin'

My car has gotten some miles on it in the past two weeks. I've been to a small town close to Arkansas for a home study (such a sweet family, I really love my job), Henry and I adventured to KC to see my college gal pals and all their littles, and we are currently on our way back from OKC where we attended my cousin's wedding.  Through all of this time in the car I've come to terms with something about myself...

I HATE BEING IN THE CAR!

Oh good gravy people!  According to my husband, I am quite the backseat driver. Which is silly.  I like to consider myself as extending my roll as his helper in all areas of our time together. So why not in the car?  Aren't statements such as; "You're driving like a grandma, speed up!", "You have no idea where we are! Why don't you EVER look up directions!?", "Seriously, if ya drive over the butt tingles again, guard yourself cause you're gonna get hit."  helpful?  He totally loves it and it draws us closer and closer with each passing mile. 

Just last night while venturing back to our hotel... Late... Following my brother in law (who didn't know where the heck we were)... In a city we are never in... I revealed to Chris I die a little each time we are in the car.  All the while placing the seatbelt over my forehead and leaning forward.  Dramatic?  I think not. 

I like to keep things interesting and the husband on his toes. 

Now, driving by myself can be both good and bad. I love controlling the radio, I love my quiet space, but I hate having a numb butt after 30 minutes and knowing I am trapped for the next x amount of miles. Add a kid to the mix who hates stop lights and being restrained and I'm surprised I still have hair. 

But, alas... The past two weeks of traveling have been filled with a rewarding meeting with an amazing adoptive family, tons of laughs and love with the ladies I did life with during my growing up years, and a sweet reunion with family I don't see enough.  So, I am cursing the Dunkin' Donuts coffee which is not decaf and which is making me feel like I am crawling out of my skin. Because I've still got 3 and a half hours in the car and the warm fuzzy feeling I currently have can only last so long.  Freaking toll booths and husband who wants to be the next American Idol are bound to wear on me. (I love my husband. And he loves my sarcasm. Have no fear.)

11 Months

Let's see if I can post your 11 month entry during the week you turned 11 months.  Wouldn't that be an achievement?

I have been sappy all week due to you hitting the 11 month mark.  I don't know if it is how pictures are starting to look little boy like rather than baby like, the fact that we are one month from your first birthday and the planning is actually underway, but I am so sad.  My itty bitty baby isn't so itty bitty anymore.  You don't cry as much when I leave, the cuddle time is minimal (because you are always on the go), and those rolls are slimming down.  Dear Henry, you are growing up too fast.

You are a curious little boy who wanders around the house.  I love taking you to new places and watching you explore.  You are starting to stand on your own, but you don't realize what you are doing yet.  I am totally fine with you not learning to walk yet.  You get around just fine with your bear crawl ways, walking is just another step in the growing up process that I am not ready for.

You continue to be a healthy little eater.  Popsicles are a fun treat that you enjoy.  It is a messy mess, but so stinking cute.  We are sticking around the seven teeth mark.  I see a few more starting to come in, but for now we've got seven.  You have a gap between your two front teeth that is adorable.  I'm crossing my fingers you inherit your father's "perfect bite". 

Your personality is hilarious.  You focus on details and squeal with delight.  You definitely are an observer and it takes you a little while to warm up.  Once you feel comfortable though, watch out!  You give grins out freely and have the cutest little wave.  Everyone loves to hold you because of your fluff, you prefer to be down exploring. 

You can say "dog" pretty clearly and continue to look around for "Jaja" when he isn't in the room.  You mimic syllables which is so fun.  You are definitely more vocal over the past month.  

You are as cute as cute can be and I can't get enough of you!  I give you a million kisses a day because someday I'm sure that will be embarrassing.  Fair warning child, you're still gonna get them. 

10 Months

Another very delayed post.  Mom of the year award, thank you so much.  I am terrible about uploading pictures.

I can't believe we are already at month TEN!  You're little personality shines more and more each day, little one. Every night after you go to bed, Chris and I sit and talk about how cute and sweet you are. We are smitten beyond belief.

You have SEVEN teeth now. SEV-EN!  Four on top and three on the bottom. It is so silly to see you giggle with your mouthful of little toothers. You like to bite your momma still.  You think it is hilarious, I however beg to differ. Pureed food is very rare nowadays.  You love table food.  Chicken, veggies, fruit, whatever you can get into those chubby hands and shoveled in your mouth.   

You are everywhere. You have started to cruise a little around the furniture, but crawling is your preferred mode of transportation. You bear crawl on the hard woods to keep those nubby knees protected. 

You are a sweet, happy little fellow. We chit chat through the day. "Dada" is your favorite phrase now. I think you say hi every so often and you say Jaja when you see Jasper. You light up when you see other kiddos. We are very blessed to be surrounded by lots of littles, so we have lots of fun play dates.

You recognize your grandparents now, which they love.  You reach for your grandmas and give lots of smiles to your grandpas.  We are so thankful to live close to them.  They ask to watch you often and it is so fun to see you bond with them.  You will be begging to go to their house before too long. 

We couldn't imagine life without you. It is hard to believe we are starting to plan your first birthday party!

Getting pictures out of you is a full body work out.  You just go go go.  I love it!

9 Months

LOOOONNNGGGG overdue nine month post.  Like two months past due.

Whew, another fast month.  When I wrote your 8 month post you had just learned to go from your belly to a sitting position.  It seems like from there you just took off.  Before we knew it you were standing up in your bed and then crawling.  Now you pull up on EVERYTHING, crawl EVERYWHERE and are a busy, busy boy.

Your top left tooth is through and the right is shortly behind.  The teeth on either side are starting to show as well.  That means that pretty soon you will be a six tooth wonder.  Teething has not been too bad (knock on wood).  You still drool and chew on everything.  You have also picked up the new trick of biting your mother.  So not cool, child.  You've put your new teeth to good use in the feeding department.  You still eat your pureed food for the most part, but you are into table food.  Peas, carrots, puffs, eggs, bananas, and perhaps a few nibbles of whatever is on my plate (you love pancakes).  If your rolls are any indication, eating will not be a battle with you.

You are much more vocal these days.  Momma and babababa are your favorite sounds.  You've got until Father's Day to master the dada.  You sing and dance, which is awesome.  You have also started to reach to the sky for no apparent reason from time to time.  It is hilarious and you talk to me while you are doing it.

You are still a momma's boy.  You love your dad and I am so excited to see your relationship grow as you become older.  I am eating up this time though because I know it won't last for forever.  The day will come when you will be off at the batting cages with your dad or on the golf course.  For now, I will gladly pick you up when you reach for me.

Your facial expressions crack me up.  I would love to get inside that little head of yours to hear your thoughts.

We are spending much more time outside which has been so fun.  You love to go on walks, swing, play in the grass, and explore.  This month has been chopped full of learning.  I am excited to see what is next, but again am ready for things to slow down.

Love you little baby boy. 

I also failed to take a picture with the chalk board for month nine.  Thankfully, the wonderful Meg White took pictures on his ninth birthday, so it's all good.