Wednesday, October 10, 2012

A Sappy Post

This whole blogging business has taken on a new chapter for me.  My hopes is to turn my posts over this year into a book.  A little present for myself when Henry turns one.  Something to document all of the fun (and perhaps not so fun, but meaningful nonetheless) moments in life.  So, apologies ahead of time for over sharing perhaps or focusing too much on this current season, but that is what it is, my current season.

A majority of the nights of the week, when the clock hits eight and it is time for Henry's bed time feeding, I turn into a crazed lady.  Last night was one of those times.  I have heard this is common with new moms.  It is a little frightening, honestly.  No matter how many times I remind myself the emotions will come and they will go, during that moment I can't control myself (or don't try hard enough).  So, I sobbed and sobbed as I put a baby who didn't want to go to bed, in his crib.

Every night we pray for a restful night.  Every night I cringe because I never know if that prayer will be answered and even moreso have no idea how I will be able to function another day in my current state.

At 10:30 we got Henry up for his dream feed.  I had calmed down (poor Chris, he is so good to me) and held the little guy's hand as I sat there and tried and tried to think of what I am doing wrong or what lessons God is attempting to teach me through this season.  Pray without ceasing, that's a no brainer now.  Patience, still working on that.  Extending grace, the kid is still alive :) just kidding.  Being a servant, I am stretched daily.  Doing things without complaining, I am catching myself more often.

After putting Henry back to bed and crawling into our own for the night, we said our last prayer together for the evening and it clicked.  While Chris was praying he said two things that I am sure he says every night, but for some reason I actually heard them last night.  He prayed that we would continually find time to be in the Word and to seek Him.  He also pointed out that we can do nothing without Him.


Grace, time in the Word, grace, time in the Word.

There is nothing during this season that I can do to improve it.  I need a big fat dose of humility and a reality check that God is in control, not me.

So, after we prayed and I said my own quiet "forgive me" prayer, we fell asleep.  Prayers were answered last night and Henry slept for a long stretch, Praise the Lord!  Tonight might not be the same, but He always provides what we need when we need it.  A restful night, a smile from a boy who is cantankerous, a husband who steps in when you have no idea what else to do, a friend who calls and just talks to you like normal, a picture of your cute niece and nephew, a facebook post from another mom in the same season posting just the right passage you need for that day, the list is endless of the blessings that have been poured down during this season that I continually think is so hard.

While Henry is currently napping and I should be doing housework (or paperwork for work for that matter), I sat and read Ecclesiastes 3 and listened to this song.  Contentment can be such a struggle at times, but today, I am content.


  1. Ash, I had a fussy baby who hated to sleep and wanted to be rocked every night. We were up numerous times throughout the night and then had to go to work and function like a normal human being. I was exhausted and had the baby blues for a few weeks after he was born. I cried on a dime probably due to the hormones and lack of sleep. It is totally normal to feel like you are. Be thankful for that healthy child, a helping husband, and for the nights you do get to sleep a little extra. As I am reminded more often lately, some of my friends are unable to have children or adopt for one reason or another and they would love to have that sleepless, crying baby for anything. It is so hard sometimes to step back at the time and count all of the blessings. I am not preaching at you one bit but wanted to tell you I have BEEN there. I promise it gets easier as they get older. Hudson is now 2 and although we get good sleep these days, now I find myself scolding and dealing with a stubborn, smart, and strong willed boy. God always listens and hears your requests. God bless. Your son is beautiful and perfect and you are a GREAT mommy!~

    1. We are very thankful :) it is crazy how you act when you are tired and also crazy how you can surprise yourself and function when you're tired! Thanks for the kind words.

  2. Hey Ashley - I have been meaning to comment on your posts and tried before but annoying blogger comments thing wouldn't let me. Anyway - hopefully this will go through. I just wanted to encourage you and remind you it will eventually get easier...but that you are SO NORMAL for all those feelings. I had Brynn in March and knew I was going to teach one more full year before possibly staying home part time. She was born that March and by May I remember googling back to school ideas because I was going crazy. HA! Then I thought "is something wrong with me?" I went through stages where I didn't even want to take a nap (as tired as I was) because I was just afraid I'd get woken up 45 minutes into the nap. I remember laying down at night only to hear those yells and thinking " this really happening?" So I TOTALLY understand what you are feeling. It is SO HARD in the beginning...I remember thinking "how in the world do people have more than one child?" HA! It WILL get easier...I will pray for you to have peace and contentment in this season...and it's a hard season. When people kept saying "oh, just enjoy this age, it goes by so fast" I wanted to say "good, I hope it goes by even faster because I don't particularly enjoy this stage!" Which is probably terrible to think but that's how I felt at the time and maybe how you feel now. We will pray pray pray for you to have restful sleep and continue to grow closer to the Lord through this. I also remember thinking the SAME things about how I can literally do NOTHING without God. You are SO NORMAL girl...just wanted to encourage you!! Praying for a great evening for you guys!

    1. Chris and I both smiled at your comment ha! I feel sane 80% of the time but man that other 20% can kick my rear. I have been writing things down though and it has been such a blessing to see prayers answered. Now, if Henry will have a younger sibling some day... That's a toss up :)

  3. This broke my heart but also your strength, unity and faith made it glow a little. It's hard to keep your head up, but you and Chris are strong, loving people. You can do this! Ava turned such a corner at 8ish weeks, so hopefully you are about to see that as well. You need to setup a weekend morning where I pick up Henry and babysit and you.just.sleep! Sleep is a wonderful thing, but then again so is having that amazing little boy in your life! Keep praying for strength and rest, soon you'll be able to look back and realize how strong you and Chris really are! :)