Fearless

Oh my sweet Henry. I've been thinking of words I would use to describe you and today fearless stood out loud and clear. We went to the park today and you immediately ventured over to the pond's edge to "see ducks".  

A nice gentleman shared a piece of bread with you to feed the ducks and geese.  After one throw you hurriedly gave me the bread and exclaimed, "you throw momma."  I feared we were headed towards a little break down. But, within minutes you were chasing geese and had your toes so close to the edge I was holding onto your shirt in fear. 

You are all boy. You climb, run, slide and knock things over with the best of the best. However, you still look back at your dad or I to make sure we are there. Bud, your cheering section is right behind you. Go on and be your fearless self. 

3/52

We are still trying to figure out this whole two kid thing. Henry went from a go go go kid to being forced to slow down a little. I know the day will soon come when you are both running around and I am doing my best to keep up. For now, we will enjoy sitting outside with your brother "goes wimming" and squirts you with water from his fire hose.  You two are going to be awesome together. 

2/52

You officially no longer look like your brother. You look like Tucker. I cannot wait to get to know you more. 

1/52

I saw on a fun blog that a mom did a photo a week on her blog of her little boy. I have a friend who did a photo a day, I am not that with it ha! So a photo a week seems manageable. Henry turns two in two weeks so hope to start the once a week with him as well. 

This was our first day home, July 4. We were both pretty exhausted and collapsed on the floor. I'm sure I was teary and emotional and thinking how the heck am I going to do this?!  Thankfully you don't know any better, so I guess we will all just figure it out together. Ha

Dear Tucker Scott B.,

I haven't blogged in forever. I miss it. I miss how I can freeze little memories about our little family and keep them tucked away to read later. Hopefully you will be a little motivation to get with the game again. We shall see. 

We welcomed you to the fam on July 3 at 12:17pm. After a scheduled induction (that was kind of a surprise), we checked in to the hospital at 7:30 and in no time you were in our arms. I almost didn't get an epidural and I think I was a little crazed. But, we made it. 

You weighed in at a healthy 8 pounds 14 ounces and were a lengthy 20 inches long. The whole experience was surreal and before I knew it, I was back in new born land. 

We were able to go home on the 4th. I'm not sure if I was totally ready, but your dad was chomping at the bit. Henry was able to stay with grandparents the first two nights so we were able to spend some quality time together. You are a pretty little baby and we love you so much. 

Speaking of Henry... He isn't all the way sold on you yet. He misses being able to "go" and will tug at you if I am holding you too long. He will soon get that you are sticking around. :) He can be oh so sweet to you though. He loves to help wake you up in the morning and give you kisses before bed. Before too long, you will be chasing him throughout the house and there will be four little feet running rather than two. That melts my heart a little. 

I cannot wait to see what you bring to this little family. We've learned so much from your brother, I'm sure we will learn our fair shaker from you as well. We love you little Tuck Tuck. 

Love,

Your Momma

My "Job"

Back in May, I took a contract position with All Blessings International to do home studies for local families wanting to adopt.  It was a HUGE answer to prayer and orchestrated totally by God.  If you have known me long enough, you know that adoption is a big deal to me.  Adoption has had a large chunk of my heart for 12 years and I have prayed and prayed to one day be able to work in the adoption field, and here I am.

I have been surrounded by adoption for a long time.  My near and dear friends who have adopted have heard me time and time again say to them, "Adoption is HARD!"  In my heart of hearts, I don't believe God's perfect plan was for adoption to even have a place in this world.  But, in case you've lived in a hole your entire life, we live in a fallen world.  One full of sin, bad decisions, pain, and heartache.  Adoption is both beautiful and ugly all in the same boat.  It requires hurt and restoration.

But, boy oh boy do I see God all over adoption.

I sincerely believe that God has a soft spot for the orphaned.  Those innocent babes are held in His arms and it is a beautiful thing.  He calls families to open up their homes and hearts and places these precious babes in forever families.  I have been a part of home comings, first meetings, good byes, and referrals.  The tears of joy and pain abound.

In the adoption world there are the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.  Recently, I've seen a low. ABI partnered with an orphanage in a very remote location in DRC two months ago. In the last three weeks there has been a dysentery outbreak which resulted in 33 of the 52 orphans losing their life. Two of these babes were twins who were recently matched with a sweet friend. This hit close to home and my heart was broken.

BUT GOD (famous Jenny words)...

He knew this pain was coming and held these babes when their moms and dads couldn't. I believe these 33 babes are no longer suffering and now all who know of their story; the moms and dads, ABI, friends of the families, and anyone who has read the information and blogs about this story, get to be a part of stewarding their story well.  We get to be a part of the highest of highs. 

ABI is currently raising funds to help with immediate and long term relief for this orphanage and the community surrounding it. Right now, they are trying to raise $15,000 by Friday to provide materials for a team leaving this weekend. Will you please consider making a donation?  Even $5 can make a huge difference. You can donate here and read more about this situation here. 

Looking Back

It hit me today while watching Henry walk around the house (he is everywhere now that he has this walking business down) that this little guy has been with us for a year. We've thrown the big party, we did the pictures, but for some reason it really sunk in today. 

I am sure every year will be a learning experience and with it will bring all kinds of new seasons, but this year is one for the record books.  I love Henry oh so much. His personality is the sweetest and by golly if he doesn't have the cutest fluff in the world.  There were times this past year though that I thought I wasn't going to cut it in this mom business. 

The first eight weeks for me were brutal. BRUTAL. I was a crazed clock watcher. The night time brought on the worst anxiety.  I would intentionally leave for work early just so I could sit in my car for 20 minutes in a parking lot as an escape (only then to be pelted with feelings of guilt for leaving my babe).  The mom guilt and insecurities of comparison were always there. Life the first few months was just hard. 

I am far from an expert. I have learned no mom is an expert, just more seasoned and experienced.  I am slowly getting more comfortable in this new mom skin.  

The importance of community takes on a whole new meaning when you have a child.  We rely on our parents more. I am so very grateful to have friends with kids close in age that can play together while we attempt to have a meaningful conversation.  When a friend can get Henry to giggle with delight I melt because I know that friend is god fearing and a great example. It takes a village and I am embracing that fact. I used to hide away and freak out if Henry was the slightest bit fussy, now I am totally ok with calling someone up to get out or letting Grandma or Grandpa spoil him rotten.  The pressure of always being perfect doesn't weigh as heavy. 

I have been studying Gideon and the focus over the past week has been being faithful through the monotony. That God shows up in our daily lives, he doesn't always come in a burning bush or in an audible tone. What I have been called to do, is what I am doing right now. My work looks different during this season. Instead of getting dressed to the (somewhat) best every day, I am lucky to blow dry my hair. Crockpot dinners are the best creation ever rather than a meal with 50 ingredients that can wow a crowd.  Having a few dust bunnies adds character to a home (ha).  My name isn't in the papers, I'm not leading a revival, but I am serving my purpose for right now.  The monotony is staggering at times, but it makes me listen harder. It makes me more eager to step out.  It builds discipline and contentment.  

I have always struggled with putting others first. Yes, I can be genuine and care for others' needs. But, when it came to sacrificing my little bubble of comfort, it was hard. This year has shattered that. A friend of mine posts periodically on twitter or on her blog, "I must become less so that He can become more."  Self sacrifice and submission are the front runners, in my opinion, to a healthy home.  It has been a humbling and great lesson to learn. 

Thanks for letting me have a soap box today while I enjoy my 20 minutes of alone time in my car (hey, I still like my occasional Sonic drink to myself at times).  This first year has been good. So good. Ready to see what else I can learn from this wise little one.